


Never is an Awfully Long Time

by Somnia



Category: Peter Pan & Related Fandoms
Genre: Friends to Enemies, Introspection, James Hook as a former Lost Boy, M/M, POV James Hook, Pining, arguably underage depending on what age you assign to an immortal who chooses to remain a youth, dark!pan, in this headcanon Peter is pictured as a teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somnia/pseuds/Somnia
Summary: James used to be a Lost Boy. Of course, all 'pirates' on the Jolly Roger were once Lost Boys, but James was the first Lost Boy Pan did not kill when he noticed him growing up. Sometimes James thinks death would have been kinder than having to face the rejection of being discarded by his saviour, the agony and longing after being thrown away ... the hatred, but also the inability to squash the lingering attachment to the boy he adored for years. So James didn’t sail away. He continued their neverending struggle because it was the only way to be near him. If having Pan as an enemy is the only way of having him, then James would take it.
Relationships: James Hook/Peter Pan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Never is an Awfully Long Time

**Author's Note:**

> “Why can't you fly now, mother?"  
> "Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way."  
> "Why do they forget the way?"  
> "Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly.”
> 
> ― J.M. Barrie
> 
> Dedicated to @dominaumbra on twitter because her tweet inspired me to write this.

James used to be a Lost Boy. Of course, all 'pirates' on the Jolly Roger were once Lost Boys, but James was the first Lost Boy Pan did not kill when he noticed him growing up. Sometimes James thinks death would have been kinder than having to face the rejection of being discarded by his saviour, the agony and longing after being thrown away ... the hatred, but also the inability to squash the lingering attachment to the boy he adored for years. So James didn’t sail away. He continued their neverending struggle because it was the only way to be near him. If having Pan as an enemy is the only way of having him, then James would take it.

As he grew up, James tried to understand the nature of Neverland and Pan's role in it. He perused tome after tome on the Jolly Roger. The fact that books about mythology were available on the ship and appearing on the shelves in ways that made one believe they were always there but one just never thought of reading them intrigued him. The power and magic he experienced in Neverland seemed to be condensed in fairy dust. He entertained the idea that everything in Neverland ultimately comes from fairy dust, even Pan's power. And if that was true, perhaps Pan's actions were the will of the fairies. This idea let project his hatred onto the fairies. If Pan had always been acting on their will without realising it, perhaps it was Neverland and the fairies who had rejected James...not Peter. James liked believing that, so he started to hate fairies.

If Peter had been the first Lost Boy and Neverland had formed him into Pan, then he must have been under their influence for a very long time. Centuries perhaps. Was there even a remnant left of the original nature beneath? Also, Pan must have agreed to his existence. He probably embraced it and continues to choose it every day. James was no stranger to the potential for cruelty present in children. What if the person beneath... what if Peter truly is like Pan? It is more than likely. James knows the fairies, the mermaids, all the creatures in Neverland; knows how vicious they are beneath the pretty facades. So he still believes. He has to believe that it was Neverland that turned Peter into Pan.

Still, in dark moments he also has to admit it was Pan he fell for. It was Pan who seduced him. The crooked smile, the carefree, wild joy that comes with the surety of omnipotence. It is the wicked glint in the eyes of Pan that haunts him in his dreams.

Before James became 'Hook', a name Pan gave him after playing a particularly sadistic prank, he had been little Jim, Blackbeard‘s bootboy. One does not become a Lost Boy by leading a happy life. They all wanted to escape to the perfect fantasy that was Neverland. Peter would have been the same. And he brought others here, rescued them, taught them freedom, joy and happiness. All up until they started turning into grownups. 

That dislike for grownups might truly come from the original Peter himself. And it was surely not without a cause. Hook remembered the way Pan treated that girl he once brought to Neverland. She was the designated mother. That was her function. Little Peter must have dreamt of and yearned for having a mother who told him stories. But then, the inevitable happened. Hook sighs when he thinks of it. It is an undeniable fact that Pan is...beautiful. That girl was pretty and had all reasons to make assumptions... until he flinched from her. As soon as he realised what her feelings were, his disgust was undeniable. Hook shuddered to think about the cause of it. It was easier to think of it as simple juvenile disgust and disinterest in romantic attachment. A disinterest fueled by the fact that he never encountered anything like a romantic relationship in Neverland. And yet, on a deep level, James knew that had he not kidnapped the Darlings before Pan processed his revulsion, the boy god would have killed them. Better to have him unleash his indignation about something that belonged to HIM being snatched by his enemy.

James sympathised with Wendy Darling. He had been on the receiving end of that revulsion himself. Back then, he was still young but the nature of his feelings for Pan was unmistakable. He believed himself to be special in the eyes of Pan. They all do.... he has a way of making one feel like the most important person in existence. With James, it wasn’t his age that brought the dark glint to Pan‘s eyes. It was his desire.

Whatever it was that made Pan hate grownups and even the hint of attraction must have happened to young Peter. His use of magic served first and foremost the avoidance of anything like it. He affirmed and embodied the joy, freedom and heartlessness of youth. This is why sometimes James questions his resolve on cutting Peter off from the magic of the Pan. What right did he have to make Peter powerless again? And wouldn’t Peter hate him even more for it? James was the definition of the things the boy god hated - a grownup who was attracted to him. His literal nemesis. It was all he would ever see in James Hook. When James looks down at the tool that replaced his hand he remembers the forgery that was the tale of that loss. Pan did not cut off the hand that fought him. He cut off the hand that dared to caress him.

James has wondered why Pan let him live. He is no fool. He knows no one remained living in Neverland if Pan did not will it so. James is not naive enough to believe he was the first Lost Boy who tried to flee his execution. Pan had killed all before him. Why did he allow James his escape and continued survival? Why did he let others join his crew? Why did he let him find the Jolly Roger and all the things on it and made him the pirate villain he told his new Lost Boys about? His enemy. Was it to remind him of Blackbeard? Did Pan make James into the image of Blackbeard so he could torment him by showing him how he was no better than the man who had once worked to mold him into a villain? Or was it the image of someone else? Someone from Peter's past? Did he torment James the way he could not torment the original? There was a focused, wild joy in the way Pan taunted and fought him, always making sure to let him get close only to fly away and taunt him for believing even for a second that he could touch him. 

If Pan is the god of this island, he has made James into his devil. The darkness to his light. And where did the Lost Boys have left to go once their god rejected them? Once they were cast out of the light? Aside from death received by the hand that once had saved them, there was only the Jolly Roger. There was only Hook.

Pan always makes their battles a public spectacle. Ridiculing Captain Hook is his prime way of flaunting his power. He hardly ever strikes but put focus on how he can elude anything while laughing and crowing in the utter certainty of his superiority. Only James knows what he is like when there was no audience. Once he realises there are no worshipping, admiring eyes on him, he turns truly vicious. Those are the times he lashes out, striking Hook, panting, his eyes cold as steel. Those are the times when the facade of the eternal boy dropped and an ancient being filled with rage unleashes its sadism on its target. It was one of those times that cost Hook his hand.  
  
James had been careless. Pan had stood there, in the cave, the weak light just enough to make out his features and unreadable expression. It was unusual. Hook had approached, carefully, like approaching a sleeping tiger. When he stood close the light must have played a trick on him. He thought he saw the playful glint in the eyes of the youth who had once called him 'Jim' and whispered conspiratorial mischief to him. Hook had reached out. The last thing he had felt with those fingers was Peter's skin.

**Author's Note:**

> “I taught you to fight and to fly. What more could there be?”  
> ― J. M. Barrie


End file.
